Nestled into the mountain ranges on Huggar in the northern part of the planet. A figure with long red hair, face etched with worry, pain, uncertainty on it. Her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket, wearing blue jeans, black sweater and black running shoes. She takes a heavy sigh, walking closer to the banks of the lake, not remembering the last time she was here, but usually not for good reasons.
She looks to see if anything has changed, she brought her
mother, her little sister, the babies that were all gone too soon. Their ashes mingle in nature of the
environment, almost feeling their presence here. She doesn’t come here unless there is
business or goodbyes to be said, taking an unsteady shaky breath almost trying
to build the courage to do what needed to be done.
She looks to see if anything has changed, she brought her mother, her little sister, the babies that were all gone too soon. Their ashes mingle in nature of the environment, almost feeling their presence here. She doesn’t come here unless there is business or goodbyes to be said, taking an unsteady shaky breath almost trying to build the courage to do what needed to be done.
There is coolness in the air as it is early fall, she slips off her runners and socks as she goes to the water’s edge. Picking up a flat rock, rubbing it between her fingers. Her eyes flickering as she looks around taking every detail back in and committing it to memory unsure of when she is going to come back here. She turns to the side, throwing the rock and watching it skip along the water’s top. Seeing every point of impact, watching the ripples on the water, seeing the ripples spread across the lake.
Speaking to herself with large amount of regret “My double V’s, my twins, one of the greatest loves of my life, I am sorry but I have to let him go, I have to finally, finally say goodbye.” There is no more hope of coming back, there is no hope of anything being rekindled, she finally admitting to herself, he isn’t coming back. No matter how much she wanted to hold out hope, he isn’t. He left them, he abandoned us, its time, finally she has come to the point where she knows.
“Its time.”
She digs inside her leather jacket, bringing out a chain with a ring on it. She pulls it roughly off of her neck with a ring on it. 8 years, its been 8 years since she had seen him, 8 years since he had seen his children.
Not a word.
Nothing.
Not an acknowledgement.
Nothing.
Not a letter, a rumor, a hint.
Nothing.
She knows that she needs to finally let go, she needs to say goodbye, she needs to let go of the hope of return.
Stepping close again, putting her feet into the water. Looking into the water she sees him, pale skin, dark hair, tall, muscular, powerful. She throws the ring in the middle of the image watching the image disappear, tears fall from her ice blue eyes.
“Sometimes we will let go of people, even though we still want them in our lives, because we realize that they let go first.”
She spent over 10 years loving him. 10 years of looking at doors, emails, talking to contacts, hoping that she would hear something, anything. She had hoped for a image, message something to linger the hope of holding on. But she finally, finally realizes its time, its time to let go.
Chewing on her bottom as all the memories flood through her, from their first meeting, to their first ….. all of her firsts with him. Her fists clench by her side as thoughts swim throughout her head.
Sometimes letting go isn’t the hard part …..
Starting over is.
She lets out a deep guttural scream that shows years of pain, anguish, fear, sorrow.
She had loved others since him, but nowhere as empathetically and completely. Her hand rests over her heart as the tears stream down her face. Feeling like her soul is being crushed, her very core breaking, dropping to her knees. If nature could feel the pain she is going through now it would shatter the landscape. She has lost loved ones, but this, this is shaking her to her very essence.
She knows this wont break her, she will come out stronger. She just needs time to feel this pain, because if she still held even a flicker of a flame for the cursed angel how can she finally completely let go and learn to fly on her own.
Her tear-filled ice blue eyes catch the last rays of fading sun in them as she blows a kiss for the final time out to the sky.
She starts to sing as she turns to start walking back towards where she originally came.
“It’s been a while since I saw your face.
It took some time to heal from the mess you made.
Never though I see the day where you be begging me to stay.
Don’t think I don’t think about it.
Don’t think I don’t feel the pain.
But my heart can only break so many times.
Just waiting on you to change.
So I said I wish you well.
Let me go, so I can love somebody else.”
Her bottom lip tremors as she looks over her shoulder, emotion racking through her. She stuff her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. She speaks softly …
Goodbye Vince.
Angels are never far.
No comments:
Post a Comment