No pictures decorate the walls, no books on the shelf, nothing to make this apartment a home, save one picture by her bed stand. It feels like a life time ago, with dog tags gently wrapped around it and a ring placed in front. She looked so happy and content with life, almost surreal like it was someone Else's life, it wasn't supposed to be like this, but then it all changed when they died. Everything changed...she doesn't know anymore. She is lost trying to find her way.
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She had rescued her mom and sister from Stain and the Nation. However, they needed to under go surgeries to try and undo what was done to them. The doctor was the best in the business for this type of surgery and had done it before. Her mom went into surgery first, but something along the way something went horribly wrong. The doctor had pulled her into the operating room where her mom was. She was dying and didn't have much time left, another region of her brain was bleeding and they cant control it. Just a matter of moments, she bit her lip and walked up beside her mom, they stopped the medication so she would wake up. Her mother really hadn't laid eyes on her in 6 years, but they needed to say goodbye. "Mom?" she said "Shhhhshhshh Hush now little one, its all right. I am here." her mother said slowly. The tears flowed down her cheeks "Don't leave me mom, please don't. I need you." Her mother had a single tear fall from her eyes "I love you little Lit, I am so proud of you." The light was fading from her eyes "I love you too mama, please don't go." She begged so hard, but something in her mom had suddenly changed, her last words to her eldest daughter were not faint, but as the conditioning and the programming took over her, with her mothers' last breath "FOR NATION!" She cried as her eyes slowly closed and she was gone.
She climbed up on the operating table and like a small child she curled up on her mother's chest, sobbing uncontrollably. She has lost her mother and she blames herself. They would still be alive if she had left them where they were. All the emotions of grief, sorrow, loss and regret are washing over her as the surgeon working on her sister came into the room "Captian Khammael, come with me quick, its your sister." She reluctantly left her mother's body as she was whisked down to the intensive care unit, where her little sister was recovering from the same surgery.
The doctor turned to her "I am so sorry Captian" his voice faded out as she turned towards the bed where her sister laid and she looked like a porcelain doll, not this red, screaming thing that she saw brought into this world. The doctor continued "We tried everything we could, but we couldn't get her back." He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she dropped to her knees with a large thud. Not only she has lost her mother, but in the same hour her baby sister too. She walked up to the bed and ran her fingers through her hair, tears flowed down as she bent over to her forehead and she spoke softly "Now you are truly free." Her lips barely living her sisters forehead sobbing "I am so sorry, I couldn't protect you. It was my job, I should have found you sooner." Her red lips trembled as tears fell down her cheeks with a final kiss on the forehead. She stood up shakily she knew what had to be done next. She had to tell Duncan, he needs to know that they are gone and they weren't coming home like she had promised.
All she could think of is the man she loves, that he would be the next to die. Her head wasn't thinking clearly, over wrought with grief. She honestly thought if she stayed that he would be the next to die, she went and got her brother. She never meant to cause anyone any pain, as she was going through enough on her own, she should have written, something just to let him know that she does love him. She ran, ran away far from everything and everyone especially the one person she loves more then life itself and knowing deep in her heart that she will probably never be forgiven. She knows now that he could have helped her, but the pain and grief was too much for her to bear. Her brother blames her for the loss of their family and well she does blame herself too.
She sits on the bed at night starring at the picture, with the tags wrapped around it and the ring placed in front of it. The tears still come at night because she she asks herself How much more can I endure? When is enough, enough? Karma is a fickle thing, and she believes that the pain, the fear and the loneliness. She feels that this is her punishment to endure eternity with her only surviving blood family hating her, beating her knowing that she wont fight back, never having that love again because she ran from it. She could not save her family therefore she feels she is meant to walk through life tormented and suffering.
The blaster gun she holds in her right hand and holds it to her head. Hoping that one night she will have the courage pull the trigger to end her pain or something in her to live for again. Right now, she lives for Duncan, she doesn't want him put in a orphanage should she perish. She drops to her knees and prays for the first time in a long time.
She prays every night to a god that doesn't exist, hoping to find meaning or purpose, and possibly the strength to carry on. She put on the mask and plays the facade but inside she is falling apart. She lives with the consequences for her choices, knowing she has made all the wrong ones and regrets it.
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