In the Heart of the Nation

This is a captains’ log recorded October 7, YC 112. The young Brutor Captain face is on the brink of exhaustion and constantly looking around her as if she is expecting something. Her eyes don’t dance in the light like they normally do, they have become distant as if she would give anything to be anywhere but where she is at this moment.

Something is different in the air here; something unsettling, uneasy all around me. It took me a few moments but I have figured out what it is, I am in Stain; the Heart of Sansha’s Nation. The alliance decided we are doing a campaign out here; it is not for me to question but deal with my uneasiness and move on. It means that I leave Vincent and Duncan for awhile, but I know Vince will take good care of Duncan for me. I never thought in a million years I would be deployed to Stain. The name itself almost makes me want to throw up because I know somewhere around in this god forsaken region my mom and sister are here.

I haven’t left my tempest class ship since being here. I sleep in the captains’ quarters or I stay in my pod. I have sent some crew members station side that know what my sister and mom look like to see if they can find them but so far no luck. My crew tells me there is a creepiness in the air, this “utopia” that is supposed to be here. My crew is scanned and cleansed thoroughly before being allowed back on my ship. I will not take a security risk like that of one of them getting to me. I feel like I am walking on egg shells here, I don’t want to be in this region at all.

All I want is to go home, and I still have a ways to go on this campaign. I am constantly looking over my shoulder expecting one of the loyalists to pop out right in front of my ship and try taking me again. I hope that I can overcome this uneasiness for the fights ahead. It’s not a matter of it, but when the fights will happen. I have to be strong for my crew even though inside I feel like a scared child facing one of their worst fears. My crew tried getting me to step off the ship on to one of the stations where we are based at. I couldn’t even open the airlock if I was anywhere near it, my hands went all sweaty and my heart started racing. The next thing I remember is waking up in the infirmary, supposedly I collapsed at the mere thought of getting off of my ship.

I got to be strong, everyone expects me to be strong. But what do you do when you feel like a Lamb that has walked into the belly of the Lion?